Another View of Having it All
By Nancy Levin Teichman, WG'87
Editor's Note: This column evolved from an e-mail the author sent about an
article in the Winter 2000 issue titled "Have Spouse, Will Travel." The article
profiled five couples successfully juggling extensive professional travel
with family life. The following is a first-person account of one alum's struggle
to balance family and career.
In the fall of 1986 when I was a second-year MBA
student at Wharton, I attended a pivotal presentation by a
woman who had graduated from the program a few years
earlier. She described her experiences as a woman, wife and
mother working successfully in a challenging career, and
convinced me, at age 25, that I too could "have it all" –
career, husband, kids, dogs, house, a fit physique and a pedicure
every Friday. She described the tool set – the nanny,
organizational skills, money and motivation – that would be
necessary, and she exuded promise: she looked in-shape, had
energy, and wore make-up. It was an exciting message that
I was eager to hear and a model that I wanted to emulate.
Now I see how this is possible, I thought, and I decided I
could do it too.
Later that year the man who would become my husband
asked me if I would continue to aggressively pursue a career
once we had children and if so, how. He hoped I'd figured
it out since we were both excited about the idea of a double
income household. Luckily I remembered the presentation
and was able to recite, chapter and verse, just what would
be required. He was convinced.
I graduated and got a job with Touche Ross in Newark, N.J.
consulting in the healthcare group. It was exciting, challenging
work and I was surrounded by smart, dynamic people.
After about a year, I shared news of my pregnancy with
my supervisor, who told me quite emphatically that the firm
expected my work hours and travel schedule would not
change once the baby arrived. After my maternity leave, he
said, everything must return to normal. Having just come
from a three-month assignment in Puerto Rico, I was concerned,
but not surprised.
I successfully negotiated six months of leave, had my son
Danny, hired a nanny, and returned to work. She got him
up in the morning, took care of him all day, and made dinner
for the family. I saw Danny at night for a short time
and put him to bed. Somewhere along the way I changed
jobs to work for a much smaller consulting firm that
required less travel and shorter trips. I took a pay cut and
knew that my chances for advancement were far less given
the size and structure of the firm, but the compromise
seemed worth it. Looking back, I realize this was the first
chink in my "having it all" ideology. It would be followed
by many more and would ultimately be completely replaced
with its antithesis.
There were many difficult steps in this evolution. One
time, for instance, I took my infant son and a nanny on a
working trip to Chicago, as this was one of the things women
who had it all could do. The nanny stayed out all night and
I was up all night trying to keep my baby from waking the
entire hotel. He cut his first tooth and cried without relief.
At that point I "had it all" and then some: an early morning
meeting, an ailing baby, a derelict nanny and a splitting
headache.
Another day while sitting in someone's office somewhere
in Wisconsin I called home to see what Danny was up to.
The nanny told me they had just returned from the park and
were about to meet another little boy for playtime. I realized
at that moment that I was working like crazy and paying
someone else to have a really nice time with my son. Another
chink in the ideology – this time a big one.
The first nanny's tenure was cut short when I discovered
she had taken a job at the local daycare center and brought
Danny there every day. We lost the next nanny after we discovered
she liked to steal things. By this time, the ideology
had become an illusion.
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